Michael Sidwell
Michael Sidwell, born 1982
Summary
Michael is a 25 year old gay man. In this interview he talks about coming out to his family and being out at work. He talks about moving to London and why he moved back to Birmingham. Later he talks about the gay scene in Birmingham and his relationships.
Contents
Coming out - 20 30
Being out at work - 80
Queer as Folk - 40
Internet dating - 50
Moving to London - 60
Fear of getting old - 100
Gay scene - 110 70
Drugs - 120 130
Relationships - 90
City Living 120
Gay men's attitudes to lesbians 140
10 Early years
Michael was born and raised in Weoley Castle, a large Birmingham council estate. His parents moved to Bartley Green which was also a council estate.
20 Coming to terms with being gay
At about 16 - 17 years old he became aware of feelings towards men but thought it was just a phase. He had crushes whilst at school. But he thought of himself as being straight. He was not bullied at school. (~98)
30 Coming out to his family
Michael related his experiences of coming out to his family, when he was 18. His father was a skinhead when he was younger, although a very macho character was very understanding and came to respect gay men. Despite initial anger, he was supportive. Having a gay son, he said, seemed to open his mind to diversity "He changed as a person because of it". The rest of the family was ok.
40 Queer as Folk
Mentioned Queer as Folk as being important in changing attitudes to gay people in mid to late 90s.
50 Meeting men on the Internet
At 18 years old around 2000 Michael began to surf the internet to meet other gay men "the internet became quite addictive, because you were always on there". It helped him network and arranged to meet someone at Route on Hurst Street. This was his first gay club experience. He fell in love with a chat-site date but it didn't work out.
60 Moving to London
Michael went to University in London and explored the gay scene down there for a while. He found the experience quite frightening. He says that the scene is very spread out in London and it can be threatening if you don't know many people. He did enjoy his life at the University but hated the student life-style. So he dropped out after a year. He then got a job in Safeways and met gay colleagues. He states that the gay crowd/scene in London in early 2000s was pretty much the same as in Birmingham.
70 Moving back to Birmingham
Michael moved back up to Birmingham and says how much he enjoys the scene here. It feels safe. He uses the scene all the time and never goes out on straight scene.
80 Out at work
Michael has met with a limited amount of homophobia in his workplace, but generally has had good experiences at work. Now he has three gay colleagues and describes his working situation as 'cosy'. He fully accepts his homosexuality and has a certain amount of arrogance about it; he says that he would never be closeted again.
90 Gay Relationships
Michael went on to talk about his 42 year old partner whose parents are not aware of his sexuality. He finds this frustrating and dishonest. He described his feelings about gay relationships saying that he felt that heterosexuals in straight relationships had an advantage in that they move through various stages i.e. courtship, marriage, children, which keep them interested in their relationships. He doesn't see himself as ever having children. Being in a gay relationship can quickly induce boredom, because there's always the question "what next?" Feels gay men have a number of reasons to be less committed to one another, related to the choices they are forced to make.
Michael talked about an ex partner who had been in a long term relationship and was the father to two daughters. Michael established a good friendship with this man's ex girl friend. Then Michael talked at length about age differences.
100 Fear of Getting Older
The future. He says that he doesn't want to be on 'the scene' when he is an older man. He talked about fear of getting older; his notion of old is 60 years. Michael anticipates that he will finish up living alone. He is pessimistic about a lasting gay relationship.
110 The scene
Felt Hurst Street had not changed significantly at all during the present decade, while he has visited, in terms of fashions, social trends, etc. Feels very blasé about the gay scene. Talked about how, when it was all new to him, it was exciting, and sometimes he wishes he could recapture those old feelings but cannot. He sees himself five years ago in men who have just come out.
120 Transient lifestyles
He believes that drugs and drinking dominate the gay scene. City living makes a gay life style easier. Gay friendships come and go. People move on and create new lives. This is how gay friendships differ from straight friendships.
130 Drug taking.
He believes that drugs and drinking dominate the gay scene. Michael recalls taking drugs in his early twenties, "I was in the Gale one night and a friend gave me my first pill, I thought 'well I'll try it'. Then I had another one and it was such a fantastic experience. You could just stand there not talking to anyone and just have the most fantastic night in the whole world. I never walk round with my top off but I did that night. On Sundays I felt terrible though. I don't think its more common to be able to get drugs on the gay scene, I think it's everywhere."
140 Gay men and lesbians
Michael believers there is a division between the gay community. He feels that lesbians are difficult to get to know; they have too many issues and it's difficult to be their friend. He finds lesbians very cold and is unable to communicate with them. Michael admits lesbians are often the butt of gay men's joke, but says this is not in a bad way.